Are you exploring Dominant and submissive role play but feel like something’s missing? Perhaps you’re ready to take things to the next level or want to express your commitment to this new lifestyle in a significant way? Then perhaps it’s time to create your very own Dom/sub contract! Now, while this might sound quite serious and formal, it’s quite the opposite. A contract can be a fun way for both Dom and sub to negotiate and discuss their dynamic in depth and get clear on your joint and individual kinky goals.
In this article, you’ll find a detailed breakdown of how, when and why to create a Dom/sub contract for your power play dynamic, PLUS get a FREE template to create your own Dom/sub agreement.
A Dom/Sub contract is a consensual agreement that indicates a mutual commitment within a BDSM power play dynamic. They can be long or short term, written individually or collaboratively, and can be physical contracts or written online agreements. They are not legally binding, but they can be a very special and significant agreement for those within a Dom/Sub dynamic.
There are many reasons why a Dom/Sub couple or group may decide to create and sign a contract. For some, it can be an exciting way to enhance and intensify an existing BDSM dynamic by introducing new rules, training, and punishment schemes. For others, a Dom/Sub contract may be signed alongside getting engaged or married to promise a long term commitment to each other’s BDSM roles.
Before writing up a contract, it’s important to have a discussion with your partner about what you both want from the agreement and how to make it mutually beneficial. At the end of the day, these contracts should be fair for both parties and bring a mutual satisfaction. These agreements can look different based on the type of dynamic and relationship, and therefore the different sections may vary depending on the needs of the individual.
Dom/Sub contracts can be written by the Dom and/or Sub within the agreement, or they may choose to ask a third party to write one. There are also many helpful resources and templates online that can save time and take the stress out of constructing a contract from scratch. Below is a breakdown of a contract template to explain the function of different sections.
The agreement should address all parties involved by their names and outline any new names or titles that have been given.
This section states when the contract will become effective and when it will end or be altered. Contracts can cover any amount of time, and may sometimes be set out in phases. For example, a couple’s first Dom/Sub contract may be a six month agreement to part time training, then they can move to the next phase, which could involve a longer and more intense agreement.
The ‘Responsibility and Duty’ sections cover what both/all parties agree to do and how to act within the agreement. This can include behaviour, training, safety precautions, routines and lifestyle. For example, the Sub could agree to perform daily chores, wear a chastity cage and take part in regular anal training, whilst the Dom agrees to provide punishments and aftercare where necessary, train the Sub, and look after their safety. These sections can often be longer than the rest because they require lots of detail, and can include non-kink related responsibilities too.
Limits are extremely important to include in a contract to ensure that both parties feel safe knowing their boundaries will not be crossed. These limits may be applied to use of specific toys, access to parts of the body, specific sexual acts or settings. Within this section, you can include the safeword/s agreed on by the Sub and Dom.
It might be a good idea to include both soft and hard limits within this section. Soft limits are somewhat flexible providing the Submissive consents and it is introduced slowly. An example of this may be pain tolerance; if a Sub’s usual pain limit is 6/10, they may want to slowly explore increasing to an 8/10, but this is based on the sub’s discretion. Hard limits, however, are non-negotiable and are not to be broken under any circumstance because may be in breach of the contract and can lead to its termination.
This section covers any agreed punishments that the Dom may have for their Sub and potential instances where a Sub may require punishment. You may want to consider the type of punishment, duration, and possible toys that may be used for this.
Privacy is an important section because it can increase the safety of those involved in an agreement. It may cover topics such as where the Dom/Sub relationship can be visible (in public or in private), who can and can’t know about it (friends, family, colleagues etc), and whether content can be shared online.
For this section, consider how exclusive you’d like to be with the other person during this agreement. Maybe you can both practice kink with others but penetrative sex is off the table, or maybe you agree to both remain monogamous. Decide what works best for you both and what you feel comfortable with.
This section outlines any possible events or circumstances that may lead to the contract being terminated or changed, and what the process would be for this. For example, a contract may be terminated if a Dom/Sub couple breaks up, and a contract may be changed if there are any aspects that a partner would like to remove or introduce.
Any other miscellaneous details that may need to be mentioned within the contract can be written in this section. Here are some examples of what could be included.
Finally, after reading and reviewing, you and your partner can sign the contract. Some people within the BDSM community like to celebrate the signing of their contract with a ceremony, and some Doms collar their Subs or give them permanent jewellery to mark the significance of the agreement.
The trust, communication, and teamwork required to write and agree on a contract can increase a Dom and Sub’s mutual understanding of each other, and taking part in an agreement can really bring a couple closer together. Additionally, BDSM contracts can be a fulfilling and explorative experience that often helps us understand ourselves, our desires, and our boundaries.
If you are interested in using a contract with your Sub or Dom, you can download your FREE contract template to help get you started.
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